23 July 2012

only he.

my Mr. Rightfornow -- and that's how it will be for now.
don't ask me how, time considered, this happened to me.
the girl he knows as "Lee". as if he knows me.
but he glances like he does. 
that look as if he sees the kept secrets in my eyes.
my mouth stays shut but my eyes say it all and my body says more...
to him at least.
he knows what he doesn't know he knows.
he gives them to me. i take them.
like candy to a baby, i can't fake them.
indeed i've experienced something of the sort,
but never of this caliber.
this must be the way it's supposed to feel... for now at least.
I Care 4 You plays. he takes my secrets and makes them known truths.
the climax, the lomax, and in between.
it's only when I get it there with you.
i need that feeling only you've brought me.
only you can bring me. those pleasure pains.

20 July 2012

what words?

Languages differ across the board, creating limitations on verbal communication around every corner. Even within one common language there exist different dialects that often lead to misunderstanding. Yet there is one language that can be spoken, heard, and felt universally... love. Once we learn to communicate with love, we will all be on the same page.

How do you speak what you feel in sensible words? The art I have yet to master.
I know what I mean... I just wish you did.
Our speech sounds the same yet our languages are opposite polar extremes.
Soft tone to loud mouth.
You speak,
I'm sorry.
You know what I meant... it just didn't come out right.

I know you understand me. You just don't know it yet.
So until common verbiage surfaces, let us bask in what we do know.
You care. I care. And we've got a lifetime to grow.
At the end of the day, no one word can express
this soft
steady beat
that you've caused
in my chest.

A Genuine Mask

Let's go to a masquerade ball, where we owe no one the truth, just cheshire smiles and bottomless eyes.

Where pretending isn't frowned upon because it's the name of the game.
No question what's behind the facade, no quest for reason as to why you put it up.

Basking in imagination because real life is like a poison.
Taking sips of red Kool-Aid as we casually discuss the world's end.

Seeking a matching mask to act as a conversation piece, yet we care not care about trials, tribulations, and griefs.

Tell me the good, the gossip is great. They shun us for our whispers, but they help avoid sight of our own fate.

Tell me I'm grand, tell me I'm fine. Tell me everything except what's truly on your mind.

Painted on features sell me dreams of temptation, lifeless eyes give me hope for body numbing relations.
How dare you lie to my mask as I seek truth upon your twisted porcelain face.

This party's cover charge came with a baggage check for free, yet you just unloaded your passport and suitcase upon me. 

So is it my mask that you seek? Or the faceless being behind it? I'd rather enjoy the crippling festivities before you, or I, find... IT.

Truth is all we need, but sometimes it's the last thing that we want.

19 July 2012

Inspired by "The Wolf"

Illusttration credits: "Wolf Woman" by Niko Guardio
The bitch goddess.... to love her is to die.
Your poison is her eyes.
Assassinated with her stride, lured by the secrets of her thighs.

La belle dame sans merci. To show desire is to make her your prey.
Eroticized stares in her direction lead to a reflection-perfect smirk,
then the tender release from her venomous voice box.

She pities no naivety; her victims are self made.
Made vulnerable by their own far wishes to become her idol slave.

Lay down with she and make her fortress your coffin.
The sweet joy of her surrender overcomes you; she officially owns you.
Your physical and mental, passionately slain, hand cooked and devoured by she,
the temptress.

18 July 2012

Life. With Pen in Hand.

"How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live."

As a strong believer in these wise words of Henry David Thoreau I have often become hesitant in fueling my passion to write, forcing my back to the ropes with the question: 
"Have you lived?" 
Or better yet... 
"Are you living?"
And being the simple being that many of us tend to evolve from, I tried to find the answer. But the answer was in front of me all the while. If you have to question whether or not you're living... you're not. And if one does it right, there will never be a point when one can say "I have lived" because life only ends when we decide to leave it to be amongst the walking dead.
Words mean more when they grow with you. Simultaneously living and writing gives depth to those lines previously penned.
Growth. An essential factor in the act of "living". 
My words will have no meaning unless I take them with me throughout life. 
We coexist. We evolve.

Below is the piece that led to my epiphany. 

I have so many journals
yet I don't write.

Hundreds of blank pages
on which I draw more blanks.

Plenty of lines on a sheet 
but I still can't fill them

... and why?
Because in order to exist...

Words need Inspiration.
Inspiration needs Experience.
Experience needs Life.

So it's safe to say that Words need Life....
a Life that I must breathe into them....
But have not yet found for myself.

I must pick up my pen... to live.

17 July 2012


I've worked.
I've schooled.
I've read.
I've wrote.
I've thought.
I've loved.
I've cried.
I've fought.
I've won.
I've lost.
I've fallen.
I've gotten up.

And now I've come...
to conquer.

During my consecutive hiatuses from the web life (or from sharing my deepest to most shallow of thoughts online) I have tackled many obstacles in my way of becoming a woman. I took time away to focus on challenges in my life that I felt were holding me back. Yet, I still see many ahead. And I've come to learn that this will always be the case. So why put what you enjoy on hold to face what you will never, regardless of what peace you have within, be able to destroy? And then I look at my arm: Hakuna Matata.

I thank the Higher Spirits that guide me for placing me on this crash course towards my dreams, goals, and most importantly, the superlative state they call Nirvana. Once insurmountable tribulations have become step stools on my quest, and those experiences have only brought me giant leaps closer to the top. I have grown fond of those memories, no matter how devastating they one appeared. I am woman, unmatched in ability, love, courage, and strength all at the same time.

This, now, is my time. I have something to say, and this page is once again my place to say it. 

Be blessed. Peace.